Hymn of the Missing
by Fields of Summer
Summary: Breaking apart while remembering something blissful can be beautiful in a way. But now – when Sasuke was finally right there in front of him – he was no longer sure if he was still breaking apart or clustering together. - Sad NaruSasu shortie -
1. 1-Sunshine Rains on Your Discarded Body

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

_Sasuke. _The wind was blowing through his hair and Naruto could tell that he had changed. He wasn't the child he remembered. He watched him, looking into his eyes felt like hearing the sound of broken dreams. They were so much colder, like something had dropped away from them. Naruto wished he could have been there when his eyes had died so he could have made them flare up again.

Sasuke said his name and he remembered that voice. When he was talking it was like being reminded of long forgotten songs - but the black-haired boy couldn't smile and Naruto couldn't really smile either. He was different and he had let Naruto down in a way only he could.

Sasuke had an ability to reach into him and light up emotions stronger then the power of a thousand suns. When it was pain, it was a sweet pain. And Naruto had gotten used to that sweet pain.

The way he felt that time two years ago when he left – was not much different from the way he felt when he came back.

* * *

Rays of sunshine made their way through the kitchen window of Naruto's cheap apartment, they shone down on Sasuke's lithe form in a way that made him look angelic. His pale skin almost sparkled and his lips had a color like the sweetest blood.

Ever since Sasuke had returned, he had acted strangely. He didn't smile much and he could stare at walls while Naruto yelled franticly to break through the barriers that he constantly built around himself.

He hardly spoke to anyone and rarely looked anyone in the eyes. A few weeks ago he had been found lying on his bathroom floor amongst broken pieces of mirror. Naruto had practically forced him to move in with him; he was tired of seeing his friend break down into pieces. Ever since, he had cooked his food, bought him clothes, and even shaved him.

He could see it in his eyes sometimes, even though he never told him how he appreciated Naruto's efforts – that he needed him. Sometimes he would notice his dark eyes looking his way, but when he looked back Sasuke would turn, like he was trying to hide something.

Naruto shifted his gaze from Sasuke's red lips to the green grass outside the window. The dark haired boy never really agreed to go out. But when he convinced him, he would lie in the grass and watch the sky for hours.

He could feel the stare once his eyes drifted away, but he kept his gaze out the window. Naruto felt annoyed and he wished he would tell him what was wrong, he wished he would trust him enough to finally talk to him, but Sasuke wasn't like that. He sighed and turned his gaze back to the boy in front of him who looked away immediately.

"You should eat up Sasuke."

Said boy watched the food on his plate and then slowly brought another forkful of food up to those blood-red lips.

They slept together for the first time that night, Naruto and his best friend. He thought that maybe he was so tired all the time because he didn't like sleeping alone. At least it would be worth a try, he knew Sasuke wouldn't care that friends weren't supposed to share bed. He didn't care about anything these days.

Naruto fell asleep almost right away, he didn't even feel like trying to talk to Sasuke – it would just frustrate him further because he never got a real response anyway.

He woke up in the middle of the night to strange sounds coming from the other side of the bed. He could hear Sasuke breathing fast and loudly, almost hyperventilating. At first Naruto just frowned and closed his eyes again to ignore it, thinking it would pass, but the sounds wouldn't stop.

Eventually he turned around and noticed how Sasuke had squeezed his eyes shut, his hands were fisting the sheets and he was almost covered in sweat.

Naruto immediately sobered up from his sleepiness and brought out a hand and grasped a trembling arm worriedly.

"Sasuke?" He said in a voice that was slightly hoarse, as he had just woken up. Sasuke wouldn't stop shaking and Naruto felt panic well up inside of him. He shuffled closer and grasped the trembling boy's other arm, almost hugging him as he kept repeating his name along with soothing words.

Eventually the frantic breathing ceased and black eyes shot open. Naruto could only distinguish one single emotion in them, and it was fear.

"Sasuke … It's me." He whispered and shuffled even closer. He tightened his grasp around him, trying to soothe him the best way he could. He had no idea of what was going on, but as the other boy calmed Naruto felt the panic dissolve, but worry took its place.

Sasuke just stared at him, as if he had no idea where he was or what was going on. Naruto looked back while brushing the skin on his arm in soothing circles.

"Hey … it's okay, … I'm here." He said, and kept stroking his fingers back and forth along pale skin until the dread in his friend's eyes finally began to fade away. The regular unreadable look took its place until he almost frowned.

"I'm fine." He said in a barely audible voice, keeping his gaze fixed on the blonde. Naruto knew that he was lying, he wasn't fine; it had almost been like he was dying. He was fading away more and more every day.

His thoughts were interrupted however, as Sasuke struggled a bit beneath him. It wasn't until then that he realized the compromising position they were in. He was laying half on top of him, one leg stretched out around his waist and his arms surrounded the other boy in a tight embrace, sweat-soaked skin was pressed tightly together as they laid there breathing and staring into each others eyes.

Naruto shifted to get away but Sasuke gripped his shoulder before he had a chance to turn. The way he had reached out his trembling hand and the way his eyes changed made him seem almost desperate.

"Please stay." He whispered quietly.

And Naruto did, he reached his arm back around him and once again embraced him tightly. He felt a sudden calm spread through him as he settled his face against Sasuke's shoulder, inhaling his scent and rubbing his hand back and forth his arm.


	2. 2-Green Grass and Cold Blood

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

The blue sky mirrored the bright tint of Naruto's eyes. They were starry, gazing up at the clouds that were racing across heavens beyond. It was strange – how clouds could move that fast – when the air around Naruto and Sasuke seemed almost windless.

He looked down and let his fingers touch pale, soft skin. Sasuke had the most beautiful skin, it felt lovely and it made something shimmer in him. His fingers traveled down his chin and neck until he made contact with the ground.

Fingers threaded through grass and he pulled at it. He could hear roots snap beneath, a lump of mud followed the bundle of grass in his hands.

Naruto tossed the chunk away and suddenly wished his arms would turn to wings so he could fly away just like Sasuke.

* * *

"Happy birthday teme!" A beaming blonde boy said with a voice bright like his eyes. He had a tray in his hands. On top of it were a mountain of pancakes, syrup, bread, chocolate, ham and a few tomatoes hidden somewhere in the pile. Sasuke was still in bed right in front of him, his sheets were pulled up above his head and a groan could be heard.

"Oh, come on Sasuke! I made you breakfast." He said, smiling as the other boy peaked his head out from under the covers. He looked tired, and even worse then usual.

" ... not hungry." Sasuke replied hoarsely and looked at Naruto with an expression completely lacking emotion. It was like he wasn't even trying, like he was dead. The thought angered Naruto more then it saddened him because it felt like Sasuke was stronger then this.

Naruto knew he just wanted him to leave, he knew he wished he would give up and let him dissolve into his own little world. But for some reason – he couldn't. He couldn't let Sasuke drown in the ocean that tried to pull him down every day. He clenched his hands to the tray and continued.

"You have to eat something." He said, trying his best not to think about how thin and weak Sasuke had become, how he had turned plain and how much he missed the way he had been a few years ago.

Sasuke would have glared at him when he did those overly affectionate things like bringing him breakfast and asking him if the food was too hot. He would roll his eyes at how he had had gotten up an hour earlier then usual, just so he could buy the bread from the store while it was still warm.

Naruto tried to smile but it turned into a sad smile. Sasuke spoke in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

" ... tired." He said and black eyes watched him, he was sure that he could see the pain swimming in his blue ones. The pain of being reminded that there was nothing he could do to get the old Sasuke back. He didn't even laugh at him anymore. Something stung behind his eyes and he had to squeeze them shut.

"Naruto." Sasuke whispered and his voice cracked. Naruto looked the boy peaking his head up from under the covers. His stared into eyes that were unreadable. Everything but death, emptiness and fear had been drained from them. Naruto set the tray down on the bedside table before settling down on the bed, keeping his eyes locked with the other boy's.

Sasuke reached a trembling hand out towards Naruto and he reached out his own. Their fingers interlaced, Naruto's hand was a little sweaty while Sasuke's was almost cold. The blonde haired boy smiled to lock down his tears, Sasuke hadn't eaten for days.

Naruto leaned in, slowly – until their lips finally touched. It was warm and he could hear a small gasp at the contact. The pain was overwhelming but that was what made the moment beautiful. He slid his tongue out to lap at the other's soft lips.

Naruto leaned to the side and pulled the covers away from Sasuke, he brought a knee in between his legs and forced them apart before settling in the warmth. Sasuke opened his mouth up slowly and Naruto plunged his tongue into the wetness and he loved that taste above all else.

Sasuke's scent was all around him and he tried to convince himself that this wouldn't be the last time.

Naruto could feel how the boy was hard below him and he thrust down on him. It made the gasping sounds louder and Naruto would remember those noises forever. He thrust down again and again until he was grinding against him. Sasuke whined and Naruto could feel him trembling.

He settled his lips onto his neck and he sucked and teethed on it while continuing to grind down on him almost harshly, letting everything clawing at his insides showing in the way he moved. After a while, he stilled himself and brought his head up so that blue eyes stared into charcoal.

"What do you want me to do?" Naruto asked, his eyes full of love as he let his fingers ghost along the skin of Sasukes arms.

"I want you to let me go." He said.

Naruto stilled for a moment before he felt how everything crashed around him, how everything was suddenly falling but he and Sasuke. They were floating in the air, trying desperately to hold on to each other as life pulled them apart – how they were forced to separate, breaking the promise of forever.

"I'll always love you."

* * *

Naruto felt that shimmering, aching sensation take hold of his body and cut in to it. It was slashing through his heart, one deep cut for each time he thought how his embrace had been like coming home and how his eyes had been like the night sky of a beautiful world. But he had run away again, he wouldn't come back.

It was hard to keep things together. It was hard to hold on to something else, because the sweet pain would be everywhere and it would remind him. Even when he had been the worst, when he had let Naruto down – Sasuke had always been what he treasured most.

Fingers moved back to brush the pale, cold skin of Sasuke – lying still in his lap. The grass beneath him was green and alive but everything else was burning. Protective walls and hollow cathedrals somewhere inside of him collapsed and suddenly it was almost raining – because beneath him, the pale skin on Sasuke's face was wet.

_I'll always love you_


	3. 3-Angels Dying on Fading Mountains

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

He was running through the forest, trying to get away from the snake. Bright hair and blue eyes looked misplaced amidst dark, towering trees. His thoughts and the way he moved were vigorous but he had no idea where he was going.

Lately the snake had been slithering around him, burning his precious smile and drying out his tears. Sometimes he would start hurting for no reason. Sometimes he couldn't look people in the eyes because he thought that they would notice how he still thought about him.

Sometimes, he went out running. He usually kept running until he felt like he would crash to the ground or like he would throw up. There were fractions of seconds where the snake loosened its grip around him because Sasuke wasn't there.

Tiny fractions of time where Sasuke could almost be forgotten – but then he always visited him in his dreams.

Sasuke would run alongside him in the mountains. They wouldn't get tired and they wouldn't slow down. They never looked at each other but there was no need to. He would know that he was there, chasing a passed felicity. Then he would wake up and remember how all the mountains in Sasuke had crumbled.

One time he dreamt that Sasuke was a panther and that he thought he could see a fire in his eyes – when he woke up he began to wonder if that was just a reflection of the fire Sasuke had set in his.

* * *

- End

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